Friday, April 10, 2009

Just who is Jack Schitt anyway?

Many people are at a loss for a response when someone says, "You don't know Jack
Schitt." Now you can handle the situation.
Jack is the only son of Awe Schitt and O. Schitt. Awe Schitt, the fertilizer
magnate, married O. Schitt, the owner of Kneedeep N. Schitt Inc.
In turn, Jack Schitt married Noe Schitt, and the deeply religious couple
produced 6 children: Holie Schitt, Fulla Schitt, Giva Schitt, Bull Schitt, and
the twins: Deap Schitt and Dip Schitt. Against her parent's wishes, Deap Schitt
married Dumb Schitt, a high school drop out.
After being married 15 years, Jack and Noe Schitt divorced. Noe Schitt later
married Mr. Sherlock, and because her kids were living with them, she wanted to
keep her previous name. She was then known as "Noe Schitt-Sherlock."
Dip Schitt married Loda Schitt and they produced a nervous son, Chicken Schitt.
Fulla Schitt and Giva Schitt were inseparable throughout childhood and
subsequently married the Happens brothers in a dual ceremony. The wedding
announcement in the newspaper announced the "Schitt-Happens" wedding.
The Schitt-Happens children were: Dawg, Byrd, and Hoarse. Bull Schitt, the
prodigal son, left home to tour the world. He recently returned from Italy with
his new bride, Pisa Schitt.
So now when someone says, "You don't know Jack Schitt," you can correct them